If Mom is Happy, Everyone is Happy

We’re all familiar with the expression, “If mom is happy, everyone is happy,” right? Seriously though, how many moms do you know who put their own happiness FIRST? Most moms I can think of (myself included) tend to live by the operating belief of “When everybody else is happy and taken care of, and if I have any time or an ounce of energy left, I’ll think about my own happiness.”

It’s time that we acknowledge a true reality here:
Taking care of others WITHOUT TAKING CARE OF OURSELVES, does not actually make anybody happy!

When I put my energy and attention into everyone else – at the expense of myself – I can easily get caught in a mindset of scarcity: not enough time, didn’t get enough sleep, not getting enough exercise, didn’t get enough finished today…

As opposed to living from a mindset of sufficiency, a belief in ENOUGH. There is enough (sleep, time, completed tasks…). I am enough. God is always enough. I’ve written about scarcity and sufficiency before. See these two older posts for some important insights:
This Week’s Word is Sufficiency
What If I Actually Am Enough?
 

Setting the Tone with Intention

Every day, as Mom of the House, I have a powerful impact on the tone that is set in my home and in the hearts of my family members. Others will, consciously or unconsciously, take their cues about how to respond, how to be, & how to feel…
from me.

I’ve learned that fostering a positive tone in my home is only possible – or at least, much easier – when I keep myself feeling grounded, content, and healthy. I’ve also learned that when I am NOT feeling grounded or content or healthy, the tone in my home can quickly deteriorate to one that feels tense, stressful, argumentative, and blaming or judging.

Does this happen in your home too? It’s one reason why attending to our own self-care as mothers is imperative, and anything but selfish!

When-mom-isn't-happyHappy-home

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Below are 9 of my daily practices that help me stay grounded and content, so I can effectively lead-by-example in fostering the climate I want to create. In our home and in our hearts.

  1. Start with Gratitude. Before I step out of bed, I thank God for the day, for my children, my husband, my busy life, and whatever specifics I am feeling grateful for in that moment (today it was the birds chirping outside my window – come on SPRING!).
  2. Consult the Master Planner. I ask the Lord for His guidance to spend my time wisely today and to place my energy and attention on what HE wants it on. We all live busy lives. Who better to arrange my priorities and guide my limited time than the Master Himself? He sees a far broader perspective of my life and priorities than I possibly can. This relieves any sense of overwhelm by taking my focus off of ME and placing it on HIM!
  3. Breathe in fresh air every morning. I have a habit of opening the back door, stepping onto the deck for a moment – even on the cold or the rainy days – and taking a deep breath of fresh air. Ahhhhh!
  4. Exercise. Moving my body several times a week gives me a sense of vitality and health. A short morning jog is my favorite. I also enjoy stretching, which, as I age, is a MUST for keeping me loose and limber!
  5. Eat healthy; from nature. I like to eat something at every meal that is still in the form in which God made it. An apple, a carrot, a salad, brown rice or barley, pineapple with shredded coconut, avocado slices, … Pinterest is a constant source of healthy food inspiration!
  6. Sunshine breaks. Whenever possible, I take a sunshine break during my workday. I put my face in the sunshine (from inside the window or outside), close my eyes and feel the warmth! Warmth from the sun and the Son! That’s it. Done in 10 seconds and refreshes me for at least an hour!
  7. Have a supportive internal dialogue. I partner with myself, rather than fighting with myself, in meeting the various demands each day brings. This is a BIG ONE.
  8. Hug my children and my husband frequently. I need that heart-to-heart connection that happens when we hug one another. And they need it too (even when they don’t think they want it, they still need it).
  9. Read at least 1 chapter in my bible each day.

What are your daily self-care habits? Not practicing anything specific? Use the questions below to help you set a self-care intention for today:

  1. Who or what are you thankful for today? Take a deep breath and spend 3-minutes letting your mind wander onto all that you are grateful for.
  2. If you had all the time you needed today, what one thing would you do just for YOURSELF? Take a walk? Take a bath? Take a nap? What would happen if you allowed yourself to do that one thing, even if only for 5-minutes?
  3. What is your favorite healthy food to eat? Treat yourself to that food today!
  4. How much affection have you been allowing yourself to receive lately? What kind of affection from your loved ones do you most want and need today? Ask for it! Better yet, give exactly that kind of affection to someone else today. We cannot give love to others without also receiving benefit for ourselves!
  5. What is your inner conversation like today? Harsh and unrelenting? Judgmental or critical? Gentle and compassionate? Today, set an intention to speak to yourself with kindness and support. Download our “Self-Supportive Conversation Starters” card for some guidance.

And how about this…give yourself (and your family) the gift of a refreshed, rejuvenated YOU. Consider coming to our 1-day women’s retreat: “Wholy You: Journey Towards Wholeness and Holiness.” It’s on April 11th at the Daylesford Abbey in Paoli, Pennsylvania. Click here for more details.

May God shower His blessings upon you and your family!

With love,
De

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Join the conversation!
  1. Bonnie Way says:

    So true! This is so important. I tend to wake up running and go through the day like that, and I need to slow down and prioritize and work on setting the tone. 🙂 Thanks for sharing!

    Reply
    • De Yarrison says:

      Hi Bonnie, thanks for your comment. Mothering with intention and attention on myself has made a huge difference in our home. My children have been my greatest teachers in surrender and flexibility!

      Reply
  2. KC says:

    These are all really good tips. I think it was harder for me to accept that I could take any time for myself when my kids were younger and I was just starting out with this “mom-business”. Now as a much more experienced mom I am always willing to take some much needed time to take care of myself before taking care of others.

    Reply
    • De Yarrison says:

      That’s been my experience too. When my kids were younger they definitely required my attention in a more intense way than they do now. I imagine, had I practiced greater self-care back then, we may all have been happier! Thanks for visiting.

      Reply
  3. Summer says:

    I love these self-care habits! It is SO IMPORTANT to do small things that help us be our best selves. Using naptime to recharge with a fresh cup of coffee and a good book (or something else that builds me up) is one way I take care of myself. Also, your first one–gratitude. I am trying to verbally name things I’m grateful for throughout the day. It helps me to stay focused on the joy, and it doesn’t hurt that my little ones hear gratefulness throughout the day.

    Reply
    • De Yarrison says:

      Hi Summer, great practices. I still find it amazing how powerful a gratitude practice can be in keeping me grounded and content. And the more we look for things to be grateful for, the more we find. God bless you and your family! Thanks for stopping by.

      Reply
  4. Jenny says:

    I love what you say about gratitude and having a positive mind. It makes all the difference in this house if we get the day started on positive note. Thank you for sharing 🙂

    Reply

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