Yes I Am.

Making empowering shifts in the words we choose to speak – especially to ourselves –  is a central theme in my coaching circles and retreats.

As a coachee becomes aware of a dis-empowering word or negative message she tells herself, we talk about ways to change or rewrite the message so it is supportive and affirmative. For example, a client became aware of her self-defeating “You can’t,” which was her automatic thought reaction in stressful situations. In her words, “I realized that whenever I am stressed, I tell myself “You can’t” “You shouldn’t” or some other self-sabotaging variation. Which only increases my stress! Just when I need my own support the most!”

We began experimenting with ways to rewrite the unhelpful messages.  “I can” and “I will” especially resonated. I can and I will are permission granting and, often, liberating. This client’s new inner message became: “I can handle this [referring to a particular stressful situation]” or “I will handle this.”

And then we made this incredible little shift from future tense to present tense.

I asked her try on “I am handling this.” Wow! Everything shifted. Her tone, her posture, her volume, the look in her eyes. I asked her to stand up and say it again. I AM handling this! I could feel her confidence and commitment.

”I am” is action-oriented and empowering! I will is a good start; though can’t you almost hear the inaudible, “someday” or “later” that seems to follow? I will handle this…someday. I will handle this…later.


Even in the midst of the mess and imperfection. I’m showing up with full support of myself, and I am handling this!

Try this out yourself and see how it feels. At the start of each day:

  1. Think about the tasks, appointments, interactions, and relationships that will be a part of your day today.
  2. Create an affirmative, self-supportive statement for your day, in present tense. For ex: “I am handling this.” “All is okay” “I am capable.”
  3. Say your self-supportive, present tense affirmation to yourself repeatedly throughout the day. Especially in those moments immediately AFTER you may have have you spoken to yourself in a disempowering or unsupportive way.
  4. Make note of how you feel when speaking affirmatively and in support of yourself. Make note of what shifts, if anything, in your interactions with others when you are interacting with YOURSELF in a positive, empowering way.

Learning to affirm and support ourselves is an essential process. And inseparable from the process of becoming more intentional in our Mothering. I created an 11-minute audio exercise to help you practice being in self-supportive, self-affirming conversation with YOU. Download this free audio here.

Let’s close with a prayer…
Father God, thank you for this day. Thank you for your perfect presence here with me today. Help me to remember that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I can, I will, and I am! AMEN.

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Join the conversation!
  1. Pamela says:

    Wow…one little shift. What a difference. I want to live in present tense! I AM living in present tense!

  2. Jean says:

    Thanks for the reminder to put my self talk into positive affirmations. I needed to read this today!

    • De Yarrison says:

      Hi Jean, You are welcome! My life has literally been transformed through cultivating a positive and supportive relationship with ME (Glory to God!). Thanks for visiting and commenting. I hope to ‘see’ you again!

  3. Mary says:

    We become what we believe. Great reminder of how to empower ourselves, especially as women.

    • De Yarrison says:

      Yes! We need not wait for anyone else to come along and empower us. We ARE empowered because we belong to Almighty God. That’s all the permission we need to live our fullest life! Now, if we can just align our self-talk accordingly… 🙂


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